Precious Things
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost: Tai knows Matt is acting strangely. When Matt gives him a letter to deliver to TK, Tai has to decide whether to keep his promise to Matt and deliver it the next day - or to break his word and deliver to to TK tonight, and discuss his concerns.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. The song 'Precious Things' is written by Tori Amos and is copyrighted to her; the song 'Cry, Ophelia' is by Adam Cohen and is copyrighted to him.

**Author's Note; 18th June 2008** – Please remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

* * *

_**Precious Things**_

_**Chapter One**_

"Whoa… You've tidied." Tai stated as Matt opened the front door.

"Yup." His friend replied. He was careful, and clever. He let no hints show in his voice.

"I mean, tided _big_ time!" Tai exclaimed, looking around at the spotless apartment.

"Yup." Matt repeated. "Well, it needed to be done."

"But just a couple days ago you were complaining that you never had time to clean up!"

"So, I _made_ time." Matt gave Tai a look which suggested he should change the subject. Tai just shrugged.

"I'm just saying."

"Are you going to sit down or what?"

Tai did as was suggested.

"You want something to drink?" Matt asked, unpacking a plastic bag full of groceries and putting them into their places in the fridge.

"What have you got?" Tai called back to Matt.

"Coke, Lemonade.." Matt pushed a ready-meal out of the way and continued,

"Orange juice…"

"Coke's fine."

"'K." Matt reached into the fridge for the can of coke when he heard Tai's voice again:

"Matt? Do you have anything to eat?"

Matt smiled behind the refrigerator door.

"Sure, I got stuff to eat. What do you want?"

"Oh, anything."

"That means you want to stay for dinner, right?"

"Hey, you offered!"

Matt afforded the refrigerator a look which said 'That's my Tai" and shut the door.

"Fresh or frozen?"

"Don't care." Tai wandered out to the kitchen to advise and observe. He hoisted himself up onto the counter.

"Get off my work surface." Matt scowled, pushing Tai across the counter.

"Hey!" yelled Tai as he wobbled and nearly fell off. Matt grinned triumphantly.

"I guess I could do fresh, considering."

"Considering what?"

"Just considering."

"Fine. Don't tell me." Tai mock- sulked, turning away from Matt- still on the unit top. Matt gave him one final push whilst he was turned and he toppled off, only just managing to save his backside.

"Hey!" Tai yelled, a little angrier than last time. Matt shrugged.

"I told you to get off my counter.

"How about red rice?"

"Red rice? Why, what's the occasion?"

"Nothing, really. I just thought I'd suggest it."

"Okay. Odd to suggest an occasion food for a normal dinner though." Tai grinned disarmingly. "Got something to tell me Matt?" He was somewhat unnerved by the look he received.

"No, not at all. I just fancied it."

"Well, you're cooking, so whatever." Tai didn't follow the strain any further. He still retained a little of the goldfish attention span he'd had as an eleven-year-old.

"What do you want with it?"

"Don't care. Just _food_, 'cos I'm _hungry_!" Tai whinged. Matt rolled his eyes.

"Then you'd better get out the wasabi out of the second cupboard from the far wall and the pork from the fridge."

Tai did so, and then wandered out to the front room, bored already with the kitchen. He turned on the TV and sprawled into one of the chairs.

Unbeknownst to him, his friend was now watching him quietly from the entrance to the kitchen, his hands by his side and a tea towel over his shoulder.

After a very quiet dinner, they sat in front of the TV. Tai looked across at his friend who was smiling slightly at the comedy show.

"You okay?"

"Sure. Why?" Matt turned to his friend. Tai's expression was worried. Matt moved quickly at this realisation into a straighter position, nervous almost of the eyes on him.

"Nothing."

There was another pause and Matt turned his attention back to the TV.

"I mean… You've just been really quiet over the past couple days."

"Is that why you came shopping with me? To ask me what was going on?" Matt was surprised, and had a hard time hiding it from his voice. He didn't take his eyes from the TV.

"I'm always quiet."

"You're _not_."

"I'm fine, Tai." Matt turned his face back to his friend, his head resting on his arm as he sat astride one of the apartment chairs. "I'm always fine. You know that."

"No you're not." Tai had caught the bitter tones in his friend's voice. Matt scowled.

"If you're gonna argue with me, Tai, you can just go." He said angrily.

"Is that what you want?" There was no anger in Tai's voice. Matt turned away.

"No."

There was a long pause as Tai continued to watch Matt, even though he had turned back to the TV again.

"You haven't hit me yet."

"Leave it Tai, unless that's what you really want."

"I'm just worried-"

"Well, don't." Mat interrupted brutally, realising immediately how futile it was to tell somebody to stop worrying.

"Fine." Tai turned back to the TV, but all interest in the show was lost.

_God, what am I doing? I really need you to help me, Tai and now that you're offering it I'm turning you away. I'm such an idiot. _Thought Matt to himself. He smacked his forehead on the chair he was sitting front to back on. Tai looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

_Stupid thing is, I know you would help me. I know TK would help me. I even know Dad would help me if I really needed him to. But I can't ask for help, I can't get myself out of this funk. Tai, please ignore me when I tell you I don't need your help, like you normally do when I tell you that…_

They were silent again.

"Where's your dad tonight?"

"He's working."

"What, this late?"

"Yeah. He's probably doing an overnighter."

They watched TV for a short while longer, but Tai felt uncomfortable around his friend- felt as though somehow he didn't want him there.

"I guess I'd better be going. Thanks for dinner." Matt sat straight.

"No problem."

Tai took his jacket from behind the front door and started putting his shoes on.

"Tai? Would you do something for me?"

"What?"

"Would you give TK this letter? When you see him tomorrow?" Tai looked up at a small envelope proffered to him by his friend. He took it, still bent over his shoes.

"Sure, but why don't you give it to him yourself?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Just _because_. I want you to give it to him."

"I will, but I won't see him until after school."

"That's okay."

"If you wanna speak to him, why don't you just pick up the phone?"

"Tai, don't ask me any more questions, okay?" Matt's cool demeanour was melting, and Tai saw it go.

"Matt?"

"And don't you _dare _open it." Matt turned away. If Tai hadn't known better, he'd have thought Matt was wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"Who? Me?" Tai said, a smile creeping across his face.

"Yes, _you_. I know _exactly _what you're capable of." Matt turned back again, his façade in place.

"You know, I practically pass TK's place on the way home, why don't I-"

"No!" Tai was taken aback at Matt's sharp answer.

"No. If you're not going to do it tomorrow, don't do it at all." Matt motioned to take the letter back, but Tai held it close to his chest.

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. I can give him it tomorrow. It's just a suggestion."

"Well, don't make suggestions like that." Matt turned away again, and that suspicious motion was there again. The sleeve going up to the eye

"You okay?" asked Tai cautiously.

No answer.

"Okay, so that means you're not okay."

Still no answer.

"Do you want me to stay?" Tai started to take his shoes off again.

"No, Tai, go home. It's late."

"No it's not."

"Yes. It is. It's very late in the day now."

"Are you _sure_ you want me to-"

"Tai, go or I'm going to smack you!"

"Just tell me, is it worth staying for the smack?" Tai asked, frowning. There was a pause.

"Go home, Tai."

There was deadlock between the two for a moment.

"It's stupid asking you to talk." Tai broke the silence.

"Yes. It is."

"You've got my cell number."

"Yeah."

Another pause.

"I'm going then."

Again there was deadlock.

"Sure."

_He's giving me one more chance to ask for help. For God's sake, Matt, take it! _Matt yelled at himself mentally.

Tai opened the door.

"See you tomorrow." He said. He waited for an answer- but soon closed the door behind him when he realised he wasn't going to get one.

* * *

Tai scowled as he walked briskly down the street, his coat open and the tail of it trailing in the wind.

_What is wrong with that guy? I'm only trying to help him and he just wants to push me away. I wish he'd stop doing that!_

Tai looked both ways as he moved to cross the road.

Before he knew it, he'd reached a crossroads.

_TK's place is down there. _

Tai reached into his pocket for the letter. He looked at it as the wind blew suddenly, wrunkling it in his hand. His hair passed in front of his face as he continued to stare.

_Wonder what's in it?_

Tai turned it over in his hands and smiled mischievously.

_I could always open it and find out._

His face screwed in concentration. He remembered Matt's earlier words: 'No. If you're not going to do it tomorrow, don't do it at all'.

_If he goes nuts at that, he'll flip if I read it. Besides, it's not addressed to me, it's addressed to TK._

Tai took another look around. The night was beginning to grow cold, and he tugged his coat closer and did it up.

_I'm not standing around here all night. Matt doesn't want me to deliver this until tomorrow, so I won't._

Tai crossed the road and began walking, passing by the street that would take him to TK's apartment, but he stopped again.

_It's late. _

_What should I do?_

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading :) Part two available soon!_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. The song 'Precious Things' is written by Tori Amos and is copyrighted to her; the song 'Cry, Ophelia' is by Adam Cohen and is copyrighted to him.

**Author's Note; 18th June 2008** – Please remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

'_toukoukyohi'- _literally meaning 'school refusal'; a term used for a nervous illness that affects a few thousand Japanese students per year as they finally snap under the intense pressure of their schooling and grading systems.

* * *

_**Precious Things**_

_**Chapter Two**_

Matt shut the door behind Tai and let himself collapse against it.

_Dammit, Tai, I thought you'd never leave._

He slid slowly down the door, his hands never leaving it- and felt warm tears fill his eyes.

_Part of me wishes you hadn't._

_Then I wouldn't have to do what I'm going to do._

_You could have stayed, and talked to me- and made me laugh._

_And I'd never have given you the letter._

_And I'd never have to do what I'm going to do._

_Not tonight, anyway._

_Not tonight._

_But now you've got the letter._

_Now I have to do it._

Matt turned his back to the door and looked up at his passage ceiling, looked around his home from the bottom of the doorway- a point of view he'd never really had before. His breath had gradually been getting more and more raw in his throat, and before he knew it he was sobbing- tears cascading down his face.

Slowly, he curled up- pulling his legs and arms up close to his body like a dead spider- and sobbed into his shirt.

* * *

Tai peered curiously at the letter. He took a quick look down the road to TK's place- almost as if to check nobody was looking.

_It can't hurt to take a quick look…_

_After all, he's been acting really strange lately and well… Maybe this letter'll clear things up a little._

A nagging voice in Tai's subconscious told him firmly that it was none of his business, but he fruitfully ignored it.

Flipping the letter over in his hands, he gently ran his finger under the sealed edge of the envelope. Whatever was in the envelope, it had been sealed for some time- certainly before Tai had been at Matt's apartment.

Taking a deep breath, Tai removed the thin paper from it's sheath. And began to read.

_To my one and only brother,_

_Everybody has precious things. You are one of my precious things- always have been. I wonder how secure you have been all this time in knowing that I'd give my life for you in a second? _

Tai's face dropped. He felt as though he were reading somebody's diary over their sleeping shoulder, or while their back was turned. He felt dirty and cheap, but something compelled him to read.

_Or maybe you never knew? I always wondered whether you realised or not. _

_Or maybe you knew and you never questioned it because it was what you expected of me, because it was all you knew._

_Because of you being so special, I have to tell you how sorry I am for having done this terrible thing to you. I feel that I have to explain myself- you do, after all, deserve an answer. I know I'm not much of a loss to the world, but maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget me. _

_Maybe it's not such a terrible thing- I don't know where you stand on that._

_Part of me wants you to love me enough to miss me- but the other part doesn't because that would mean you grieving over me. I don't want that, I'm not worth it. I never was._

At this point, Tai noticed blankly, there were water marks in the ink.

_Every day I look at you and wonder why I got the hard side of the womb. Every day I wonder how come perfection came after me. They say good things come to those who wait, and you were it. I'm not angry. I'm not mad about it. It just _is_. I wasn't made to be perfect- you were._

_I must have been made to get the dregs out before you came. _

Tai wanted to wash his hands, itching to get out of his own skin. His guilt was intense, and he knew he shouldn't read any more of the letter, that he should take it to TK at once, but he simply couldn't help but read.

More watermarks, this time still wet.

Tai wiped his eyes.

_I'm not explaining myself very well, am I? _

_I can't. I'm just pointless. I don't deserve to live. I don't have anything to offer the world. I can't heal, I can't help anybody, I don't have any skills apart from how to alienate everybody and that's not something you want to teach._

_I always envied the way you made friends. You'd just go up to people and introduce yourself, and everybody always loved you. I'd always stand in a corner and watch, afraid to hand myself over in the way you always have._

_I sound so bitter, so jealous. I'm not bitter and jealous of you, but more the people around you. I don't know why, but I am. _

_How, why should I be jealous of people when they're just your friends and I'm your brother?_

_Because you choose your friends- you don't choose your family._

_If I wasn't your brother, you'd never have chosen me._

_I've given you no reason to look up to me. _

_I've certainly given you no reason to love me._

_I'm just worthless._

_And now I've decided that the world would be much better off without me here to screw it up._

_I'm such a failure- I have no idea why I'm here or why I keep trying. I can't keep up this whole thing, TK. I can't, otutochan. _

_So at this point, I take my leave of the whole thing. It's time to let the precious things bleed away, so that they are nothing and they mean nothing. One person's precious things are dirt to another person. _

_I haven't explained myself properly, but the more I ramble, the more I find I can't._

_So, I love you little brother, and I'm sorry I did this._

_I just can't see another way._

_Your once-brother, _

_Matt._

Tai stood in the cold, it's effects on his body unnoticed. He didn't move an inch as he stared at the ink scrawled upon the paper, as he scanned it once more with his eyes.

Then he moved.

He ran, he ran as fast as his legs could carry him, as fast as his still shocked body would let him- back the way he had come. Whilst running, he fought to get his cell phone out of his pocket.

The rest of his concerns had suddenly vaporised.

He had to get to Matt.

And, possibly more importantly, he had to get TK to him.

* * *

TK heard the ringing in his ears suddenly stop. He flicked his eyes open momentarily, but soon persuaded them to close again. Three breaths from sleep, he heard the familiar creak of his bedroom door.

"TK? It's Tai."

"Where?" TK asked, sleepily.

"On the phone, sweetheart. Do you want me to tell him you're asleep, or do you want to speak to him? He sounds pretty frantic."

TK indicated for the phone with one hand.

A few moments later, it was put into the outstretched palm.

"Hello?" TK asked, his voice layered with sleep, his eyes closed.

"Hey, TK, it's me. Did I wake you?"

"I don't remember."

"Well, you need to wake up, because your nutty brother has finally flipped out." TK's eyes snapped open at that.

"Why?" He heard the breathlessness in Tai's voice, the nervous, slightly aggressive nature of his words.

"Listen to this; 'Because of you being so special, I have to tell you how sorry I am for having done this terrible thing to you. I feel that I have to explain myself- you do, after all, deserve an answer. I know I'm not much of a loss to the world, but maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget me'…"

Every sensor in TK's body was suddenly alerted and he sat up, his eyes still full of sleepiness but his head full of undiluted concern.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It's a letter, to you, from 'your once-brother'."

"Tai, why are you reading a letter for me?"

"That's not important right now, TK."

"I think it's very-"

"Not right now, TK, trust me- you can grill me on it later. You have to get to Matt's apartment, now."

"Does that mean that note is what I think it is?"

"Yes, it's a suicide note."

TK was silent.

"I'll be there in a minute." He was already climbing out of his bed and walking out of his bedroom.

"Okay, I'll meet you there."

"You'd better take care of him, Tai."

"I will."

No more words were exchanged between them. TK raced to get his coat from behind the door, putting his shoes on at the same time.

"Mom, I'm going to Matt's place, I might not be back tonight but I'll let you know or something, 'kay?" TK called quickly, opening the door with his shoes still undone.

His mother's head appeared at the door to the front room.

"What? Why are you going this late? TK?"

"Can't talk now, Mom, gotta run!" TK called as he slammed the door shut behind him and walked, as fast as unlaced shoes would allow, to the elevator.

He heard his front door open just as the doors closed behind him in the elevator. He knew his mother wanted- and deserved- a better explanation, but there just wasn't time.

* * *

Matt dragged himself across the floor into his room and shut- and locked- the door behind him. Dad had never been keen on the idea of a lock on the door, but had conceded eventually- so long as Matt promised never to lock it at night, in case of fire in the building.

He opened his guitar case and unzipped one of the inner pockets- taking out the small packet of razorblades within. He looked at them resting benignly in his palm, wiping his eyes with the other hand.

He could still hear the TV in the other room. He hadn't bothered to turn it off, it hadn't even crossed his mind. He closed his ears to it, curling up tight at the edge of the bed, head resting lightly on the mattress itself.

Faintly, he heard the phone ring. No matter who it was, he wasn't going to get up and answer it- not now. He was too fragile, his pain was too close to the surface- if it was anybody he knew, they'd know straight away that something was wrong.

He couldn't afford to break down in tears on the phone now- that would mean explaining everything- the letter, the razorblades, why he was crying…

_Go away and stop ringing… Whoever you are, you have to stop caring right now, or I'm never going to be able to do this…_

Tai cursed as the phone continued to ring. The cell on his phone was nearly dead, and he knew that the ringing would cut off soon of it's own accord. Though only moments now from Matt's apartment, Tai panicked momentarily at the silence.

_What if he's already done it? What if he's already- no… He can't be… Damn you Matt, you idiot! What are you doing!? Answer the phone!_

The flat of the razorblade scored the top layer of skin lightly as Matt dragged it up and down across his wrist, turning the skin a sore-looking red.

_Do it, man, what are you waiting for?_

He felt sick. His eyes didn't want to focus and his mind certainly didn't want to concentrate.

_Dad's gonna find me._

The thought made his stomach do flips as he imagined his father finding his body.

_Oh God, Dad, I'm sorry…_

_It's not because you weren't a good dad or anything… You never beat me, you never hurt me. Not on purpose._

_It's me, just like it always was._

_I thought I'd gotten over myself, but I haven't. I thought I'd stopped messing things up, but I guess that kind of thing just goes away for a little bit, and not forever._

He was startled from his thoughts suddenly by frantic banging on the front door. His heart pounded in his chest as he listened, his breathing interfered with by the insistant pulse in his throat.

_Stay silent… If you act like there's nobody in, maybe they'll go away…_

"Matt?! Matt, answer the door!"

_Tai?! Oh, God, Tai what are you doing! You'll ruin everything!_

"Matt, I know you're in there! Open this door right now!"

Panic thinning his breath, Matt got up and, shaking, opened his bedroom door.

"Tai?" he called shakily. "Did-did you forget something?" Matt scanned the area quickly with his eyes, hoping it was as simple as that- but he knew by the banging on the door that it wasn't.

"No, I didn't, but I think you forgot your brain somewhere over the past twenty-four hours!"

"Tai, don't shout at me, why are you shouting at me!" Matt found himself yelling through the front door.

"'I'm just worthless, and now I've decided that the world would be much better off without me here to screw it up, I'm such a failure, I have no idea why I'm here or why I keep trying'- I mean, what is this trash?!" Tai sounded wounded. Matt covered his mouth with his hands in horror.

_Oh God, it's out… Everybody will know…_

"You read my letter…You read my- God dammit, Tai, you read my letter!!

"You _bastard_!"

"What are you-"

"You read my letter!!"

"Matt, listen to me-"

"You read my letter!"

"I can't-"

"You read my god-damn letter!!"

"Matt-"

"You _read_ my _letter_…" Matt found himself dissolving into tears, so any thoughts he had of hiding the truth from Tai, any illusions he'd had were suddenly gone.

Tai was silent outside as he heard Matt begin to cry. At that moment, he truly hated with a passion the block of wood that stood between himself and his friend. And suddenly he was frightened again.

He heard a crashing noise from inside the apartment.

"Matt?"

His only response was Matt's tears.

"Matt?!"

His heart beat fast in his chest.

"Matt? Please answer me."

"You…read…my…letter…" Was the hoarse, slow reply.

"I know, I know I read your letter, and I shouldn't have…"

"No, you shouldn't've."

"If it helps, I feel really bad about it."

"No you don't."

Tai smirked.

"Actually, I do."

"No, you don't, it wasn't meant for you, it was meant for TK! It didn't have your name on it, you should-"

"Matt, I-"

"You should _never_ _have opened it_!!" Matt screamed.

_TK, please hurry up and get here…_

"I know, but I can't un-open it now."

"I know." Matt's voice was weak and shaky. This alerted Tai once again, and he slammed on the door with his fists. Putting his head on it, his eyes filled with tears.

"Look, I shouldn't have read it. But think about it- if I'd given TK that letter tomorrow, if I hadn't opened it- how would he feel, huh? How would he-"

"Don't throw my brother in my face."

There was a pause.

Tai started to giggle, fear inspiring the nervous laugh.

"That sounds really strange."

There was another pause.

"I don't care right now what you're saying Matt- I don't care if you're shouting at me or giving me a weather report, just speak to me…Just don't stop speaking…"

More silence.

Tai heard quiet padding and a thump as Matt threw himself against the front door with a resounding crack.

"Should I take that as a good response?" Tai asked, his voice cracked. Wanting to get as even to Matt as he could, Tai sat down, legs akimbo, against the other side of the front door.

"Matt, what are you doing?!" TK cursed under his breath as he half strolled, half ran down the road towards Matt's apartment. He'd managed to lace his shoes in the elevator. He did feel vaguely stupid, running down the road in his pyjamas and boots, with a coat on over the top- but his appearance was the last of his concerns at that point.

"I hope you're not doing anything stupid in there."

"You've already done all the stupid things available for today."

Tai smirked.

"I guess there's truth in that."

Tai sighed and rested his head back on the wooden door. He gazed up at the dirt marks on the ceiling, and a dusty old spider's web.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Is it?"

"No. Not really."

Tai paused again and listened for any movements inside the room.

Matt's silence was bitter and tangible- the metaphysical equivalent of eating lemons. He sat, with the razorblade in his hand, stroking it up and down his wrist.

Sourly, he thought to himself,

_Wouldn't _that_ scare Tai? If I cut my wrists now and let it all bleed out under the door…_

He sighed.

_But I can't do that, because it wouldn't be fair._

Matt was disturbed suddenly by a strange sound.

"But if you throw a stone, something's gonna shatter somewhere…We're all so fragile…We're all so scared…"

It was a pretty tuneless sound, Matt concluded.

Tai continued to sing quietly.

"You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears… But we've been trying to do that for thousands of years…"

"Don't sing, Tai, you'll _frighten_ me to death." Matt's cutting comment was welcome somehow. Tai almost thought he heard a small giggle from behind the door. He smiled a little, giggled and continued to sing.

"So go on and cry, Ophelia-"  
"Don't sing the chorus, Tai. I never liked it."

"Why?"

"Because if I took out the name, I could pretend it was me." His voice was too melancholy for Tai to dare an answer.

"Okay, well… um…

"And yeah, I thank God, for my bad memory…I've forgotten some of the stupid things that I've done-"

"I haven't." Matt punctuated.

"I've come to realise this through a whole lot of failure…So I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue…"  
"Amen to that."

"You pray for rain…but you don't want it from my storm…"

Tai paused, waiting for a smart comment- but none came. He took that as a good sign.

"You find a rose…cut your finger on a thorn…"

A silent pause.

"These precious things…let them bleed…let them wash away…

"These precious things…let them break their hold on me…"

Tai listened to the words Matt sang quietly, his normally strong voice caught in the spider's web of his tears.

"Please let me in, Matt."

"These precious things…let them bleed…let them wash away…these precious things…let them break, let them wash away…

"These, these precious things, let them bleed now, let them wash away… These, these precious things…let them break…their hold on me…"

"Please, Matt."

"No."

"Look, I can't just sit out here and wonder what you're doing and worry about you!" Tai raised his voice.

"You read my letter."

"I know, but-"

The door in front of him burst open. He gazed up, shocked out of his nervous peace, at TK, who looked as though he'd been dragged through three hedges backwards.

"What's he doing in there?" TK asked, worry clear in his voice.

"Being smart." Tai replied.

"Matt?" TK knocked on the door.

Matt's body stiffened when he heard the voice of his brother. He was about to lament the fact that Tai had contacted TK- then it hit him with worrying intensity how much he wanted his brother there.

"Matt? You okay in there?"

"No."

"You mean physically not okay or mentally not okay?" TK worried.

"Mentally."

"But you're not hurt?"

"Not yet."

TK's worried voice brought tears to Matt's eyes.

_What am I doing? He sounds so worried…_

_Maybe he does care…_

_Maybe I shouldn't even question that…_

Fragility forced him into sobs once again.

Tai saw the look on TK's face as he head Matt crying. It was desperate and hurt, and he could almost feel his need to be on the other side of the door. TK put his hands on the solid block of wood.

"Matt? Please let me in. I can't help you unless you can do that for me."

"Matt, just open the door!" Tai was getting frustrated beyond mortal words.

TK gave him a 'you really don't know how to deal with him, do you?' look, to which Tai responded with a 'what do you think I called _you _for?' expression.

TK's face suddenly shot up in realisation.

"Oh, what am I doing, I have a key!"

He dug in his coat pockets, fishing out empty sweet wrappers, a button, two chocolate rice ball receipts…

"Please, please, keys, please be in my pocket…" TK pleaded. Finally, he struck gold.

Matt heard TK's prayer and stood up awkwardly- his back and bottom sore from sitting so tight against the door. He knew his time for bargaining was up, and he turned to the door and opened it half an inch, just as TK was reaching up to put his key in the door.

"What?" he scowled wetly, looking away for a second to wipe his eyes. Matt and TK exchanged looks at each other's faces. One was tearstained and red, the other's was distorted with worry. TK sighed and smiled all at the same time and said, very gently,

"What do you mean, _what_? We were really worried about you."

"_He_ opened my letter." Matt said, looking at Tai.

"I know, I'll sort him out later." TK smiled again. Tai looked away, but gave his response-

"I won't say I'm sorry anymore, because I'm not. You're still here right now because I opened it."

Matt swung the door open in annoyance, stepping forward. As he moved to speak angrily with Tai, he found arms wrapped around his waist- and discovered again that his brother was almost as tall as he now. Tears instantly filled his eyes, the potential argument forgotten.

TK gently pushed his brother back into the apartment, never once relinquishing his grip. Matt wasn't strong enough to fight anything, and as TK guided him back into his bedroom, he tripped over the edge of the bed and fell backwards. TK ended up on top of him- and suddenly they laughed. Laughter soon turned to tears on Matt's part and TK just got up and walked forward- standing above his brother whilst he sat up, and then slouched on the bed- and smothered him again.

They were silent, TK just letting Matt cry. Tears were in TK's eyes- but he forced himself to be strong and would not let them fall.

"You haven't hurt yourself, have you?"

"N-no." Matt sobbed.

"You haven't taken anything?"

"No…"

Tai stood awkwardly in the doorway, the initial pounding of his heart fading.

TK eventually let go of Matt a little, but was still close, still enough in his personal space for him to know he wasn't going anywhere. He tried to pull Matt's hands away from his face, and in doing so caught sight of the red raw marks on Matt's wrists. Tai saw them too, and moved forward with a deep scowl rending his face. TK held up a hand to hold him back, and then just took Matt's wrists and rubbed them.

He turned to Tai.

"Could you get a glass of water, please, Tai?" Tai nodded and moved off silently to fetch one.

As Matt's eyes cleared tears again, he looked up at his brother- and giggled.

"You-you're wearing your PJ's…"

"Yes, I'm wearing my PJ's… See how much I love you? I ran all the way down here like this, you know…" His voice was soft and gentle, but lilted softly in humour.

"I-I'm sorry…I'm such a moron.." Matt sniffled, the tears starting up again. TK shook his head.

"No you're not, no you're not. You're just sad…"

"I am, I-"

"No. You're not." His voice was gentle, but firm. It left no room for argument.

TK sat down beside his brother as Tai re-entered the room with the water. TK smiled in response, took the glass and forced his brother to drink some.

"If you don't drink it, I'll make you. Remember, that's what you said once when I'd been sick." He grinned. Matt smiled back and took the glass.

TK took a deep breath and said,

"I know I probably shouldn't say this right now- you don't need a guilt trip, you're too good at making up your own- but do you have any idea how much that would have hurt me? Do you have any clue how much I'd have been hurt if you'd done anything to yourself?" Matt's eyes refilled.

"No, don't cry. I'm not telling you because I want you to cry. I want you to _stop_ crying!" TK's voice was almost practiced in it's comfort- yet it was practice Tai felt sure he wasn't old enough to have had.

"TK?"

Tai's voice was strange amongst the previous exchange between the brothers. TK looked up.

"If you want to come on out to the kitchen, I'll give you that letter." TK pulled a face.

"Oh, n-no, Tai… I-I don't want to leave him just now."

"No, don't give him it at all." Matt wiped his face.

"I think he should read it." Tai's voice was soft, but the meaning behind the words was clear.

Matt looked warily at his little brother.

"Do you _want _to read it?" TK paused.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I do. But if it makes me cry, you're in big trouble." TK waved a finger at Matt, and the elder smiled weakly.

Tai took the crumpled envelope out of his pocket and handed it to TK. Finally- premature, yet overdue- Tai had delivered the letter.

TK prepared himself with a deep breath and them took the letter from the envelope, leaving the white outer coating in his lap.

Matt was silent and nervous as his brother read.

When TK had finished, he sniffed, tears rolling down his face. He immediately stood and hugged his brother again, tightly, the envelope sliding unnoticed to the floor.

"You know none of this is true, right?" he sniffled.

"Yeah, it is." Matt sniffed back. "The 'I love you' part is…" TK laughed, half captured by a sob and hugged his brother tighter.

Matt revelled in the touch. He'd felt so alone- so afraid of what he intended to do to himself, so cold- and now he wasn't anymore.

"D-does this mean I'm in big trouble?" Matt asked his brother quietly, who was quite insistent on not letting go.

"Huh?"

"The letter made you cry…"

"Yes, you _are_ in big trouble." TK sniffed and sat down close by his brother again. He wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. Matt indicated for him to open the bedside cupboard. He saw the punch line immediately and smiled. There was a large box of paper tissues in there.

Putting them next to him, he took a handful out, passed half the handful to his brother and kept half for himself. Tai noticed the look TK passed to him and nodded, walking away and shutting the door behind him.

"So, tell me. Whose legs do I need to break?" TK sniffed. Matt laughed wetly, halfway through a tissue.

"What?"

"Well, somebody must have upset you really badly for you to be thinking about…that kind of thing." TK couldn't bring himself to say the words; to make you think about suicide.

There was a pause.

"Are you angry?" Matt asked. He looked at his brother, red-rimmed eyes begging an answer in the negative. TK thought for a moment.

"No, I'm not angry, I'm just very upset. I'm really…not happy with the fact that you chose _that_ as an option before you told me you were feeling bad."

"TK, you shouldn't have to listen to me and my problems. _I'm_ the older brother, that's what _I _do."

"That's crazy, Matt. Did you think I wouldn't listen? Huh? Did you think that I wouldn't care? Because that's what your letter says to me."

Matt was silent.

"Is that what it says to you? Is that what you _meant_ to say?"

More empty silence.

"That is the biggest…load of…_crap_…I have ever heard. Or…not heard, because you didn't answer." TK fought for appropriate words, and turned up one that wasn't so appropriate, too. Matt smiled bitterly at his brother's cuss.

"I can't believe you would… Matt, I just don't believe you could think that little of how much I care about you. Remember, this is the guy who practically tied himself to your _legs _when he was eight, does that say 'not care' to you?" Matt screwed up his face and rubbed it.

"Times change." He mumbled.

"Not _that _much." TK scoffed. Matt looked his brother in the eye and saw the pain that currently resided within. His expression flickered with guilt.

"I'm sorry. I should never have upset you. Tai should never have gotten you involved in this, he should have-"

"Should have what? Given me the letter later? Tomorrow? When you'd be cold and dead and I wouldn't have a brother anymore?" TK's voice shook, no matter how much he tried to keep it in check. He pointed to his head.

"This brain does not comprehend the phrase 'only child', do you understand that?" Matt sighed and put his fingers to his forehead, elbows on his knees, looking through his hands to the floor.

"It's not just that, it's…It was your letter and the whole thing about it was to put what I felt. But it's more than that, too. I dunno, it…That all kinda came out while I was writing and then the reasons and stuff for doing it in the first place looked really stupid." There was a gentle pause, during which TK proffered a tissue to his brother. He took it.

"I failed an exam."

There was a long pause.

"What?"

"I _failed _an _exam_, TK. A really important one."

Tai slapped himself on the forehead on the other side of the bedroom door. He'd known about the exam, but hadn't thought about it striking his friend this hard. He'd overheard the comment through the door, and then felt bad about not realising sooner that there was a problem.

Not that he was listening in or anything.

TK laughed.

"Is that all!?"

"TK, it's not funny. This exam is one of the ones that decide which college I get into, then which university, then which job, which life- it's so much more than just an exam." Matt scowled. He sighed, and said, gently,

"Now do you see why I didn't come to you?"

TK was silent.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed.

"But you think you should have thrown your life away over an _exam_? That kind of thing never bothered you before, why now?"

"Because it's more important now. Every single exam means something in the final tests and stuff. I should have studied harder- I know I should have, I had to tell Dad- but Dad would have made me give up the band and I can't give up music, you know that, TK."

"But it's an _exam_, Matt. You can re-sit an exam."

"Not this one. That's the whole point." Matt lowered his head into his hands again.

"Did you actually find out whether or not you can, or did you just assume because the teachers all make it out to be the end of the world if you fail?" TK planted the seed of doubt in Matt's head. There was a long silence.

"No." Matt said quietly.

"I think you should. And I think you should do it soon, and I think you should tell Dad."  
"No way." Matt sniffed and threw himself back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. "He'll throw a fit."

"He'd throw a bigger fit if he knew what you were planning tonight." TK reminded. "Think how he'd have felt- coming home and seeing you-"

"I know." Matt interrupted.

"No, I don't think you do." TK said softly. "I know how I'd feel if it had been me who found you. And who knows? It could have been. If Dad's doing an all nighter, I might have called around in the morning and-" TK looked at his brother's startled expression.

"Didn't think of that, huh?" TK smiled crookedly. Matt shook his head.

"It's an exam, Matt. An _exam_. A stupid, pointless, resittable exam. Couldn't you just have gone toukoukyohi on me instead?"

"Oh, yeah, _that _would have helped. Not going to school for more than thirty days in one go, that would help my grades a lot." Matt grimaced.

"I still think it's nuts. I can't believe you would even consider it for those reasons."

"I was down about the whole stuff I put in your letter too. That came first. Then the exam on top of it- I just flipped."

"The whole thing about me being perfect? That's not true. There's only one even nearly perfect brother in this room, and it's not me." Matt gave his brother a crooked look and smiled.

There was silence between them.

"Uhm…You can go home now. I'm okay." Matt sniffed, covering his eyes with his palms. In all truth, he wanted desperately for his brother to stay, to be with him just as loving company.

"You're kidding, right?" TK looked at his brother incredulously. "Sure, I'm going to leave you here all alone after you've thought so seriously about hurting yourself." TK paused as he saw tears run under Matt's fingers.

"And you're not okay. So there." At which point he hugged his brother again. Matt finally released his grip on his face and hugged TK back. They sat motionless for a while, Matt still quietly crying.

"I wish I could make the pain go away, oniichan…" TK whispered.

"You can. You can _be _here."

"I am, I always am."

They sat that way for a good few minutes.

The silence was beginning to annoy Tai, so he knocked on the door and then entered. Matt's face was buried silently in TK's shoulder and TK was calmly picking some fluff off the back of Matt's shirt, a concentrated scowl on his face. TK looked up as Tai entered the room.

"Is he…?" Mouthed Tai, pointing at Matt. TK pulled a face and nodded slightly- indicating that Matt wasn't okay, but that he was better than he had been.

"Are you gonna stay?" Tai asked quietly. TK nodded.

"Yeah." He replied, equally as quietly.

They were silent for a moment again.

TK lifted the water glass from the floor and passed it to Tai.

"Could you get another glass of water, please Tai?" Their voices were low and peaceful, comforting in the sudden lack of activity. Tai nodded and took the glass.

Matt finally disentangled himself from his brother, and sniffed, wiping his hot face on his hand.

"Okay?" prompted TK. Matt nodded.

"Okay." TK smiled encouragingly.

"I feel so stupid…"

"Well, don't." TK instructed. Matt looked at the bedcovers. TK moved his head down and caught Matt's eye. He looked up a little.

"I'm glad you told me about it. You could have told me to go away, but you didn't."

"Well, that wouldn't have done me any good, would it?" Matt laughed a little, wiping his face with another tissue.

"Nuh-uh." TK agreed.

Tai returned with the glass of water- caught TK's look- and left again, scowling slightly.

TK passed Matt the glass.

"Drink." He instructed. "And in the morning, we'll tell Dad." Matt looked wary.

"Do we have to tell Dad about _this_?" Matt indicated himself. TK shook his head.

"Not so long as you promise me you'll never do it again."

"I'll try."

"No, I want you to promise me properly." Matt looked at the no-nonsense look on his brother's face. And smiled.

"Okay. I promise."

"Good." TK smiled. Matt took a sip of the water and looked across at his brother again. He sighed.

"What now?"

"This is where I phone Mom and tell her I'm staying- and try to think up a good excuse for rushing out like I did earlier." Matt nodded.

"You okay for a minute?" TK asked solemnly

"Yeah." Matt nodded once more.

"You want hot chocolate, seeing as I'm out there?" TK indicated the expanse outside the suddenly small room.

Matt smiled and nodded yet again.

"Sure."

"I'll be right back."

TK stood unsteadily and walked towards the door.

As soon as Tai saw the look on TK's face he was alerted. He saw his control break, his mask peel away within seconds of being out of the room. He shut the door behind him. Tai walked forward quickly and took TK's arm.

"TK? You okay?"

"Mm-hmm." TK nodded, tears streaming down his face. He was unsteady on his feet and it was suddenly painfully clear to Tai that TK's intense control had all been a façade, put on to protect his frail brother.

"C'mon, out to the kitchen." Tai said quietly, trying to get him there before he broke up completely. Physically taking TK by the arm, he marched him out to the kitchen area.

"You want me to get you anything?" Tai asked worriedly. TK shook his head and reached out to take a piece of kitchen towel from the roll, wiping his nose with it.

"Tai, I want to thank you." TK said through the tissue. Tai pulled a face.

"Huh?"

"I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For opening the letter."

"Wh- oh…Oh!" The 'why' suffocated on Tai's tongue as realisation hit him like a soccer ball at head height. "Oh, that. Uh…yeah. But it would have been just as easy to take the letter to you."

"No, no, I'm glad you didn't." TK insisted tearily. "If I'd seen that letter before I knew what was going on, I'd never have been able to do what I just did, I wouldn't have been able to go in there and sort it all out for him. I'd never have been able to come down here and cope at all."

Tai was silent. He'd expected a lot of things for opening the letter- but thanks wasn't amongst them.

"I shouldn't really have opened it at all; Matt put his trust in me and I broke it."

"You can't tell me you regret that?"

"No. I can't."

There was a long pause as TK grabbed another piece of tissue and tried to control crying that wanted to be sobbing.

"When did he want you to give it to me?" TK's voice trembled.

"Tomorrow." Tai looked at his feet humbly for a moment.

"Figures." TK half-choked on the word. And this sudden rush of weakness invited another, and another and another, until TK found himself sobbing into Tai's jacket. Tai put his arms around him and let him cry.

Within moments he felt another pair of hands on his shoulders, turning him gently around. He didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was, or to instinctively reach out and drape his arms around the familiar figure.

"Is that for me, that crying?" Matt asked softly, enveloping his brother in warm arms. "Is that for me?" TK nodded, and let the smallest of sobs escape the confinement of his body.

"Don't you ever cry for me TK, don't you ever cry for me. And I promise, I'll never make you cry over me again…"

And so the brothers came full circle once more.

* * *

Matt looked vacantly at the exam paper in front of him.

_I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this…_

"Okay, please turn over your papers. The exam starts now." The adjudicator instructed. Matt did as asked and picked up his pencil, stabbing viciously at the page with it.

_I'm not going to make the same mistake this time. I'm not going to fail. I've prepared as much as I can. I'm _not _going to fail…_

* * *

Hiroaki heard the front door slam as his son returned home from another day of schooling. He turned to face Matt as he sat in the dining chair, an intensely curious, yet impatient expression on his face.

He son stood in the doorway, just looking.

"_Well_?" Hiroaki prompted. The smallest of smiles curled Matt's lips. And Hiroaki knew. He grinned widely at his son as he waved a small piece of official looking paper.

"I passed. I did it right this time!" Matt exclaimed, walking across the room and proudly showing the sheet to his father. Hiroaki took it and scanned the thin paper. He passed it back to his son, still smiling.

"Well done. I know you worked hard for it." Matt nodded and rolled his eyes.

"Did I have any social life at all last week?"

"No." Matt's dad chuckled.

"I know it's a second-time pass, but it still counts- and because I put myself forward for the re-test, they're gonna class it as first time." Matt looked the paper over once more himself and then put it carefully in his pocket.

As he did so, his cell phone rang.

He didn't even need to look at the display.

"Well, what did you get?" He heard the excitable tones of his little brother. He smiled.

"I got a pass."

He held the phone away from his ear as his brother 'yahooed' down it. The home line rang as Matt continued to talk to TK. His dad answered it.

"My, aren't we popular tonight? It's Tai." Hiroaki said as he handed Matt the phone.

"Just a second, TK, Tai's on the other line." Matt put the home receiver to his ear.

"Hey, Tai."

"Hey, how'd you do? I didn't get a chance to see you after Math."

"No problem- I passed."

"Excellent! So, no more stupid letters?" Matt's face crunkled in annoyance.

"It wasn't a stupid letter and you shouldn't have opened it. But you did help me out, I guess." At this point Matt started to whisper- Dad hadn't been told about the escapades of that night.

"So thank you. But if you ever open a letter of mine to anybody ever again-"

"I've got a deal for you. You never ask me to deliver any more letters, and I'll never read any more! Deal?" Matt heard the grin in Tai's voice and smiled.

"Deal." He replied firmly.

_-fini-_

_So go on and cry Ophelia…It's the only thing to do sometimes…I'm crying too…Right there with you…It's all right, Ophelia…Everybody cries…It's the perfect thing to do sometimes…_

* * *

Thank you for reading :) I hope you enjoyed my story :)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. The song 'Precious Things' is written by Tori Amos and is copyrighted to her; the song 'Cry, Ophelia' is by Adam Cohen and is copyrighted to him.

**Author's Note; 18th June 2008** – This alternate ending was not previously uploaded. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

* * *

_**Precious Things**_

_**Alternate Ending One**_

Tai took one more glance at the letter and put it back into his pocket. He kept walking.

_I made a promise, and I'm gonna keep it. _

* * *

The next day in the computer room, attempts at keeping worry in check were gradually fading. Davis folded his arms and sighed loudly. He was impatient to get into the Digiworld again.  
"Are we _still _waiting for TP?" Davis whined, pouting. Kari turned on him.

"Yes! You know he wasn't at school today, Davis! And his name's TK!" She turned to her brother. "Tai, I'm worried."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, Kari. Matt wasn't at school today either. Maybe something's happened in the family?"

"I hope not." Kari fretted. Davis hid secret concern by sitting over by the computer and sulking.

"Have you tried calling them?" asked Yolei. Tai nodded.

"No answer."

"At either place?"  
"Nope."

"TK's very reliable and responsible. I don't understand why he wouldn't call." Cody mused.

"It's really inconsiderate if he's not coming!" Davis moaned a little more. DemiVeemon bounced up and buried himself in Davis' lap.

"Don't worry Davis, I'm sure he's fine!" Davis panicked as Demi-Veemon endangered his forcefield, and tried to look innocent.

Suddenly, the door opened. All eyes turned to it. TK stood in the doorway, backpack slung over one shoulder. He was pale and hunched over. He smiled weakly at the worried expressions before him.

"TK?" Prompted Izzy.

He didn't reply.

"Hey, TK, where've you been? Where's Matt?" Tai asked, walking forwards to his young friend and taking the backpack from his shoulder. Closer, TK's fraughtness was clearer and cleaner.

"You okay?" Tai asked warily. TK shook his head.

"You wanna talk to me?"  
"Not yet. I'm not strong enough yet. I thought I was…" TK's eyes filled with tears and Tai took his hand, leading him back out of the room, dropping the backpack on the floor as he did so.

TK slouched against the wall and slid down into a crouch the minute Tai let go of his hand. Outside, the corridor was silent and empty.

"Now, are you gonna talk to me?" Tai asked gently, standing above TK with his arms folded. TK gazed forlornly at Tai's slippers and shook his head. Tai crouched down beside TK and looked worridly at his distant expression. He put his hand in his pocket and drew out the very crumpled letter Matt had given him yesterday – still sealed.

"Okay. I want you to come in to us when you're ready. If you need us, just yell."

TK just nodded. He looked warily at the letter in Tai's hand. Tai looked at it.

"Matt wanted me to give you this today. I was at his place last night and he asked if I could deliver this to you for him. He said he woudn't…" He trailed off as his eyes caught the expression on TK's face. He reached out and slid the letter gently from between Tai's fingers. TK's hand was reaching for his tears before they touched his face, which they invariably did before he got to them.

"TK, has something happened? Has something happened to Matt?"

"Please go away, Tai." TK's voice was no more than a whisper. "I want to be alone right now."

Tai hovered for a moment, unsure what to say, but with a burning desire to find out what was eating at the boy in front of him.

"Okay." He finally decided on, "Remember what I said."

TK simply nodded.

The others looked expectantly at Tai as he re-entered the room.

"I don't know." He said, before anybody had a chance to ask.

"Something _is_ wrong, isn't it?" asked Kari. Tai nodded.

"I can't get it out of him. He wants to be on his own."

"Maybe I should go talk to him, then?" Davis suggested, standing. He was almost pushed back down into the seat by Tai's gaze.

"Or maybe not." He mumbled.

Suddenly the sound of frantic sobbing from outside filled the room. Tai immediately raced to the door, followed by all the inhabitants of the room. Tai held up his hand to them and said, quickly,

"One of us is enough." And walked out of the door.

TK was crying for all he was worth, hunching over his knees as he crouched, the letter crunched up in his hand, held loosely and hopelessly. Tai knelt in front of him, trying to get a good look at his face, which he was sucessfully hiding.

"TK? C'mon, the time to talk is here." Tai prompted, truying to take the letter out of TK's hand. TK instantly crunched it tighter, not wanting Tai to take the letter away from him, not wanting this piece of his brother to be removed from his grasp.

"Stupid Matt…Stupid, _stupid_ Matt…" TK cried, covering his face with his hands. He let his body drop down to a sitting position, crying very hard indeed. Tai was taken aback for a moment, then moved in closer, putting his hands on TK's arms.

"I was right, wasn't I? Something's happened to Matt." Tai realised what he had said, and an even more worried expression covered his face.

"What happened to Matt, TK?"

"_Matt _happened to Matt." TK wept when he could speak. He handed Tai the note, scrunched almost beyond recognition as a piece of paper.

Tai unfurled it carefully, trying not to rip it.

_To my one and only brother,_

_Everybody has precious things. You are one of my precious things- always have been. I wonder how secure you have been all this time in knowing that I'd give my life for you in a second? _

_Or maybe you never knew? I always wondered whether you realised or not. _

_Or maybe you knew and you never questioned it because it was what you expected of me, because it was all you knew._

_Because of you being so special, I have to tell you how sorry I am for having done this terrible thing to you. I feel that I have to explain myself- you do, after all, deserve an answer. I know I'm not much of a loss to the world, but maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget me. _

_Maybe it's not such a terrible thing- I don't know where you stand on that._

_Part of me wants you to love me enough to miss me- but the other part doesn't because that would mean you grieving over me. I don't want that, I'm not worth it. I never was…_

Tai continued to read, his face dropping with every new sentence that seared his eyes.

"B-but I was with him last night… He-he was upset, sure, but he was _okay_…"

"But he _wasn't_…" sobbed TK. Tai was silent, shock still finding it's way to his brain.

"Y-you were the last person to see him _alive_…" TK wept, his face red and contorted. This last comment was like a knife in Tai's chest. "Dad found him this morning. He was working all night last night, and when he came home at about six o'clock, he-he was-" TK cut off abruptly, unable to go on.

"I-is he _gone_?" Tai asked, needing to know suddenly, requiring a definite yes or no as to whether his precious friend was actually dead or not.

"_Yes_…" TK replied and was taken by a new bout of sobbing. Tai didn't know what to say or what to do; he was rendered helpless by this sudden overwhelming sensation of pain.

"God, Tai I am _so mad_ at him! How _dare_ he go and do that to himself! How _dare_ he go and leave me like this! It's _not fair_!!"

"I… I-I don't know, TK, I…" Tai didn't know what to say or what to do, he was suddenly crushed by the pain in his chest and the welling of his eyes.

* * *

_I don't remember if there was more to this in my mind, but I hope the abrupt ending hasn't spoiled your enjoyment. Thank you for reading :) _


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. The song 'Precious Things' is written by Tori Amos and is copyrighted to her; the song 'Cry, Ophelia' is by Adam Cohen and is copyrighted to him.

**Author's Note; 18th June 2008** – This alternate ending was not previously uploaded. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)

* * *

_**Precious Things**_

_**Alternate Ending 2**_

Tai stood for a moment, still unsure. The wind blew again and his attention was, once more, taken to the road that would lead to TK.

_It's really late… I don't think Ms Takaishi is gonna like me knocking on her door this late and asking for TK._

_But I think Matt needs you, buddy._

_I have a bad feeling._

_I think he needs you _now.

Tai turned the corner and walked quickly down the long road, high-rises passing him on either side. The bright streetlights lit his path in an eerie orange glow- making the sinking feeling in his stomach worse than it already was.

"_I'm sorry, Ms Takaishi- is TK there? I know it's late."_

"_He's sleeping Tai. I'm sorry."_

"_Okay, no problem."_

Tai ran through scenarios in his head.

"_I'm sorry Ms Takaishi- is TK there? I know it's late."_

"_Yes, it is- but I'll see if he's willing to wake up for you."_

"_Okay, no problem."_

That one was the scenario he wanted.

"_I'm sorry, Ms Takaishi- is TK there? I know it's late."_

"_No, he's not here. He's been out partying and drinking all night with his friends!"_

"…_ehh?"_

Tai wasn't quite sure _where_ that stupid thought had come from, but it gave him cause to giggle as he turned into TK's street. Anyone passing him by might have thought him an idiot- but he was grateful for the laugh all the same.

Matt had been worrying him all night. He was closed and withdrawn- in a way Tai hadn't seen him for a long time. He couldn't think what might be wrong- even though he'd wracked his brains.

_Maybe TK knows something._

_Or, maybe…_

Tai glanced down at the letter held tightly in his hands.

_Maybe this will tell us._

He paused as he reached TK's building, and looked up to the seventh floor windows-counting ten along. This was a practiced way to find TK's apartment. He sighed, relieved that there were still lights on. He didn't really want to wake anybody up- although it was so late that he suspected TK would already be in bed.

He wandered into the building and got into the elevator. Pressing the '7' button he waited, nervously, as the elevator rose and rose, taking him closer and closer to TK- and probably a brush with his mom.

Eventually, the doors opened, and he spilled out onto the corridor. His footsteps were loud, he noted with chagrin, on the hard, polished floor.

He looked at TK's front door for a moment before he knocked- steeling himself for a possible argument with TK's mom. It occurred to him suddenly that, even if she refused to let him see TK, he could at least give her the letter to pass on. He'd get it in the morning that way.

A little cheered by this thought, he knocked on the door.

After the clicking and clanking of bolts being drawn back, and safety chains being put into place, Natsuko's face finally appeared worriedly at the gap between the door and the jamb.

"I'm sorry, Ms Takaishi- is TK there? I know it's late."

"Yes, it is, Tai. What are you doing out so late yourself?" Natsuko drew back the safety chain and opened the door wide.

"I was with Matt, and he asked me to give TK something. Is he sleeping?"

Tai looked so hopeful that Natsuko stood back, indicating that he should come in. He smiled, thanked her and took off his shoes in the corner as she closed and bolted the door behind him.

"I'm sorry to call so late. Didn't mean to worry you." He said when he was standing upright again. Natsuko smiled in response and opened the door to TK's room.

He heard her quiet, gentle voice call her son's name, and some kind of sleepy response.

"Do you want me to send him in?" she asked, after a brief explanation. Again, mumbles indicated that indeed, TK was in the room and that yes, he probably had been asleep.

The sound of the low-volume TV gently invaded Tai's senses.

Natsuko moved away from the door and said, gently,

"Go in."

"Thank you." Tai smiled again, and bowed gratefully. Natsuko didn't answer, she just smiled a polite smile and went to sit back down on the sofa.

Tai walked into TK's room and shut the door behind him. TK looked at him blearily from his seat on top of the bedcovers.

"Wass'up?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry to wake you, TK. But Matt wanted me to give you this."

He handed TK the small, white envelope. TK looked at it with one eye shut.

"What is it?"

"I don't know; he wouldn't tell me. Seems to be some big secret. You guys up to something I don't know about?" Tai grinned mischievously, and TK just smiled and shrugged.

"If we were, would you really want to know?" he said cheekily. Tai gave this a moment's thought, still grinning, and replied,

"No, you're right- probably not."

It was TK's turn to grin widely.

"Okay, I'm a bit more awake now. So what's _really_ up?"

"Have you spoken to Matt recently?" Tai asked, his expression becoming more serious.

"Yeah, yesterday. Why?"

"Did you notice anything was… up with him?"

"No. Not really." TK responded. "I was kinda busy yesterday though, so I didn't get to talk to him for long. Why? Is something wrong?" His expression clouded slightly.

"I don't know. I was hoping you might be able to tell me." Tai shrugged.

TK looked back down at the envelope.

"Well, you know Matt. He's always hiding stuff." He moved to open the envelope. Tai dived forward and put a hand over TK's as he slid his finger underneath the flap.

"He didn't want you to have that until tomorrow."

"So, why did you bring it to me?" TK asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Because I thought it might be important. But if you open it now, you've got to promise that you won't tell him I gave it to you earlier- he was pretty insistent." Tai placated. TK rolled his eyes.

"Sure, I won't tell on you." He smiled and slid his finger under the flap, tearing the top of the envelope.

* * *

Matt held the razorblade between his lips as he rubbed his wrist to bring the blood to the surface. He was shaking almost uncontrollably.

_I have to do this now. I can't back out, there'll be too many questions…I can't back out… I _can't_…_

He was surprised that he didn't feel the blade go into the skin- it was only when it reached flesh that it really started to hurt. There wasn't much flesh to be found on his wrists at all, though- and he was hoping that this would help him find what he was looking for as he dragged the blade down towards the crook of his arm.

Suddenly he hit something vital, and blood welled quickly around the edge of the blade- making him jump back and swear.

_It won't be long now… It won't be long, and the pain will be gone… It won't be long…_

_I just have to make sure I do the other wrist…_

Blood gently soaking the undone cuff of his white shirt, he reached across and committed the same wrong to his other wrist, making sure that this time the blade went deeper. Indeed it did, and the pain brought tears to his eyes- fresh tears that weren't of the same ilk as the first.

_I'm sorry, TK… I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to call you and tell you. I was worried that you might try to save me, that you might come here and see me like this… _

_I don't want to be saved… _

_Not really…_

…_Do I?_

"So that's how it's been for the past few days." Tai finished, putting back the pen he'd taken out of the pot to fiddle with on TK's desk. The only reply was a slight rustling of paper. Tai heard the change in TK's breathing and turned immediately, to find TK pale as the bed sheets he sat on, with his hand across his mouth.

"TK? What is it?" Tai asked immediately. TK glanced up at Tai, and he saw the tears in the younger boy's eyes.

"Tell me now, TK, what is it?" Tai's voice was firm. TK composed himself and stood quickly, grabbing Tai's arm.

"Quickly, get your shoes on. We have to go see Matt- now. _Right _now!"

"TK, what-" Tai began, but TK shoved the sheet of paper into Tai's hand and instructed,

"Read."

As Tai did so, TK slid a pair of trousers on over his pyjama bottoms and left his PJ top on as a shirt.

"Oh God… Is he kidding?!" Tai yelled, garnering protests from TK that they really ought not alert his mother.

"Why? We _have _to!" Tai yelled as TK moved towards the door and opened it.

"Because- Mom, I have to go out, I'll be back soon!" TK cleverly hid the coming answer. He ran to the front door and pulled on his boots, not even lacing them. Tai followed silently, as Natsuko got out of her chair, with an expression of concern on her face.

"TK, where are you going so late? Can't it-"

"I have to go see Matt, Mom- I won't be long I don't think and I'm sure Dad'll drop me back when he gets home from work, or I'll stay or something- don't worry. I have to go, though." TK grabbed his jacket from the wall hook.

Without another word, he opened the door and ran out of it, closely followed by an apologetic-looking Tai. Tai shut the door behind him, but it was quickly opened by Natsuko again, who moved to follow her son down the corridor.

"At least let me give you a ride?"

TK paused as he looked back at his worried mother.

"How long will it take you to get the car out?"

"I don't know- it depends if anybody's blocked me in or not."

TK and Tai looked at each other.

* * *

_I thought I'd be scared… But I'm not- not really. I'm just… floating… _

_Yeah, that's it- floating…_

_I wonder if I'm floating in my own blood…_

_Heh, wouldn't that be funny?_

_Oh, God…_

_I must look a real mess right now…_

_The only thing that scares me now…_

_The only thing…_

_Is someone finding me before I'm done…_

Matt's eyes drifted slowly shut as the blood flowed smoothly out of his body. He could feel his limbs becoming heavy as he lay, motionless, against the base of his bed. His head lolled against the mattress, he felt his feet slide away from him, his legs involuntarily straightening as he lost the strength to hold them to himself.

* * *

"Normally I like Mr Fujitsubo, but not right now!" TK yelled as he stormed down the street. Tai kept level with TK, his legs longer and made better for the job of 'stomping'.

"Yeah, well, I can't say I'm so happy with him right now, either." Tai responded, letter still clutched tightly in hand.

When the boys and Natsuko had reached the parking lot, they'd found Natsuko's car had been blocked in by an elderly gentleman three doors down from TK. TK, who had panicked when his mother said it was too late to wake the man, had run straight from the car park without another word. Tai had followed him, half torn between explaining the issue to Matt's mom and his loyalty to TK.

They had left her calling like Bo Peep to her lost flock.

"If he's done anything to himself, I'm gonna kill him." Tai muttered under his breath. TK gave him a sideways glance.

"Won't that defeat the object?" he commented. Tai didn't respond.

TK's determined expression faltered.

"You don't think…that he'd really…?"

"I don't know anymore, TK. I just don't." Tai shook his head sadly.

"He is _so_ in trouble, it's not even funny." TK's words were hard, but his voice was not.

* * *

…

…

_I can…hear myself breathing…_

_In my head…_

_Goodbye, cruel world…_

_Oh, _God_, what a cliché…_

…_You'd think that I…_

…_a songwriter…_

…_could come up…with something better…_

Matt's dying mind flickered to his brother reading his letter.

…_I'm so sorry, Teek… _

_But maybe you won't care…_

_Maybe you'll laugh and say, "Well, I never loved him anyway…"_

On the edge of Matt's hearing was an unrepentant banging noise.

_Nobody told me death would be this loud…_

The banging wouldn't stop- and this time he heard voices, too.

"Matt? Matt!?" TK pounded the door with his fists, fruitlessly. The door shook with his pounding, and subsequently, Tai's as well. As Tai beat on the door, kicking and punching it in utter frustration, TK dived into his pocket, searching for the item that would remove the door from his path.

The key to his Dad's apartment.

"Matt, open this door right now if you're in there! I want you to open this door!" Tai yelled loudly. Matt's elderly neighbour from across the hall quietly opened his front door to the safety chain to see what was going on. After all, the Ishida's were normally such a _nice_ pair. Boy was home alone a lot though- always had been.

TK's shaking hands finally found the sliver of gold coloured metal he was looking for- and, hesitating slightly, he slid it into the lock.

Some part of Matt's mind was alerted when he heard the key slip into the lock.

_Oh, God…_

_I'm not finished…_

_You _can't _be someone for me…_

_C'mon body, die! Die now!_

_You can't let them find me…_

_Not while I can still draw breath…_

His eyes fluttered, even though they had closed through lack of strength a long time ago. His breathing changed as on some subliminal level, what was left of him started to panic.

_I can't stand that worry…_

_I can't stand them being upset…_

_Who…?_

_Who is it…?_

TK was the first person through the door. There was no sign of Matt in the front room- although the TV was still on. Panicked, he called,

"Matt? Matt, where are you? Please, where are you?" His voice shook. He walked hesitantly towards Matt's bedroom door.

"Matt, are you in here?" TK asked loudly, trying to get the door open.

It was locked.

"Matt? Matt, open the door! Please… it's me…"

_Oh God…It's TK…_

_Of all the people to find me…_

_Why…?_

_Why'd it have to be him…?_

"Matt, open this door right now! I'm _not _kidding! Right _now _or I'm coming in anyway!" Tai yelled. TK looked at him, questions on his features- but Tai stepped back, bracing his foot against the door.

"Tai…?" TK asked, his voice halting. But he knew at this point that smashing down the door was better than waiting for Matt to unlock it, he knew that he would have to brace himself for what was inside the room- and he knew he wasn't going to like it. Matt wouldn't just _not _answer.

He'd only not-answer if he _couldn't_.

TK moved away from the door as Tai starting kicking it, a feeling of dread rushing up towards his brain. The sound of the splintering wood made him want to cover his ears, but fear froze him to the spot.

Oh God…

_Oh God, please go away…_

_I don't want you…_

_I want…_

_I want to die…_

_And you're gonna tell Dad that I did this…_

_And…_

_And he's gonna be so mad…_

Again and again, kick after kick- the bolt on the door did not give way for several long moments. Tai kicked that door until there were tears in his eyes, until finally there was one long crack and the door swung inwards, crashing into whatever was behind it.

It wasn't the crash that caught TK's attention.

It wasn't the sound of the broken glass as something fell from the chest of drawers to the floor.

It wasn't the broken door, the silence after the din.

It wasn't even Tai's startled cry.

It was the sight of his brother, languishing against the edge of his bed, his eyes half-closed and blood covering every part of his clothing and every inch of the floor around him. A razorblade lay benignly in his limp hand- the vampire after the feed.

_That _was what caught TK's attention.

And immediately brought tears to his eyes.

He ran, instantly to his brother- as he had always done. Hefted him into his arms, cradled his head.

"Oh, Matt…Oh, Matt, what have you _done_ to yourself? Oh, _God_, what have you done, what have you done, what have you _done_?" TK wept. He lost track of Tai as he ran to the phone in the hallway, dialling the emergency services number.

TK could hear him from Matt's room, but really wasn't interested in what Tai was doing- only in Matt.

"Matt? Matt, can you hear me? Can you acknowledge me at all?" TK asked through a strained throat. Hesitantly, he reached for a pulse- and almost choked on the relief that there was one.

"Are you still breathing? Are you still breathing, Onii-chan?" TK moved closer to listen for breathing but before he could get close enough, Matt's body wracked and he took a noisy breath.

"You heard that didn't you? Didn't you, Onii-chan? I know you know it's me now…" TK whispered, blinded by tears. He could hear Tai frantically opening closets and cupboards, desperately looking for bandages or towels or sheets or- anything. Anything to stop the flow of blood.

For a moment, Matt opened his eyes. They were empty and lurid, all the colour bleached out of them. They frightened TK.

"S…orry…" Matt uttered through his throat. TK smiled, only just possible through his worried frown.

"No, no it's… Not now…It'll be okay, Matt… It's gonna be fine, it's gonna be-" TK cut himself short of his reassurances as he realised that Matt was now utterly motionless, that he seemed not to be breathing- that he seemed _dead_.

"_Tai!!_" TK screamed, "_Tai!?_"

Tai came running in quickly, his heart in his throat at TK's frantic screaming.

"What is it, TK, what?" He asked instantly, but then looked down at Matt's blank face and knew.

"Tai, Tai, Matt's not breathing, he's not breathing, you've got to help him! Tai, he's not- he's…" TK continued to repeat his frantic prayer as Tai wrenched Matt out of his brother's grasp and laid him down on his back. He flung TK a towel he'd found and snapped,

"Rip it in half."

TK was panicking too much to even hear what Tai said. All he could see was Matt and blood and dying and a funeral procession and-

Tai grabbed both his wrists and looked furiously into his eyes.

TK, if you don't do this, Matt's gonna die! You understand?! You _have _to do this or we'll lose him! I can't do both!"

TK looked blankly at Tai- his mind no longer behind his eyes, but in that funeral procession. Tai grabbed TK and forced him to look at Matt.

"You have to stop the bleeding! He'll die, TK, you'll _lose _him! _We'll_ lose him!" TK shook his head and mumbled shakily,

"No, no lose him…can't lose him…"

"TK, shut up and take the towel and rip it in two and wrap it around his wrists!" Tai moved away, urgently needing to attend to Matt's breathing.

TK watched blankly as Tai proceeded to breathe for Matt.

Inside, Tai was panicking. He felt like his brain was about to explode out through his ears, he thought that at any moment he too would break down and cry and scream and yell and kick things, like he wanted to. But he couldn't. He couldn't, because then who would be left to look after Matt? Who would be left to look after his bleeding, dying friend, the friend he loved so much? Who would take care of him, who would make him breathe, who would get the blood on their hands and not care? It wouldn't be TK, because TK was panicking too much. It _had_ to be him. It had to be- or Matt would simply pass away.

Shaking so much that he could barely move at all, TK leaned down and picked up the towel. He tried to tear it in two, but every muscle in his body was failing him. He looked at Matt and memories clouded his head.

_I have to make more memories…_

_But to make more memories, I have to save Matt…_

_I can't just sit here and watch him bleed…_

_Bleed to death…_

_Death…_

_No, I can't…_

Taking a deep breath through desperate panic, TK tore the towel in half suddenly, finding strength he had mislaid on the way to Matt's house. Tai looked up for a brief second, but could not spare the time to fully acknowledge TK's minor triumph. Matt was the priority right now.

TK wrapped the pieces of towel around Matt's wrists, lips moving in silent prayer the whole time.

_Don't die Matt…_

_Don't die…_

_Don't die…_

_Please don't die…_

_Don't die…_

_Don't die…_

_Don't die…_

_Don't die…_

_I love you, please don't die…_

_Don't do this to me…_

_Don't do this to me…_

_Don't hurt me like this…_

_Please don't hurt me…_

_Not like this…_

A knock on the door alerted TK. He scrambled to unsteady feet and opened the door wide, letting the ambulance men inside. He didn't speak when they asked him where Matt was, he just pointed weakly. Tai glanced up, and saw the ambulance men approaching him with purpose. He stood back and let them move quickly in with their machines and their oxygen.

He stepped away quickly, not able to shift the responsibility of Matt fast enough. Blood on his hands was one thing; Matt dying in his self-imposed care was another thing altogether.

He looked at TK; his eyes were fixed on Matt and the machinations of the ambulance men. His face was pale as stone and a sickly sheen covered his face. He walked quickly over to TK and squeezed his hand. Confusedly, TK squeezed Tai's back- both thinking that the other needed the support. Together, they watched.

* * *

TK clutched the letter as he sat by Matt's side. He gazed silently at Matt's face, at the respirator which helped his weak body to breathe. He reached out and rested his fingertips on the back of Matt's hand.

_Onii-chan…_

_Onii-chan, come back to me…_

_I think you've frightened your soul away for a little while, but you can tell it it's all right to come back now…_

_Tell it I'm here for it…_

_Tell it I'll protect it- whatever the cost…_

_Onii-chan…_

_Come back…_

TK grasped Matt's hand tightly and opened the letter with the other hand. Softly, he read from the letter and interspersed it with his answers.

"'_To my one and only brother,_

_Everybody has precious things. You are one of my precious things- always have been. I wonder how secure you have been all this time in knowing that I'd give my life for you in a second?'_

"Well, you know, I never liked it. I never felt comfortable knowing that you would die for me- and yes, I _did_ realise. It's one of the reasons I told you to stop being so protective.

"And… you're one of my precious things, too.

"'_Because of you being so special, I have to tell you how sorry I am for having done this terrible thing to you. I feel that I have to explain myself- you do, after all, deserve an answer. I know I'm not much of a loss to the world, but maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive and forget me.'_

"Forget you? Who are you trying to kid? People don't just forget their big brothers, it's not possible. And you're clearly more of a loss to the world that you could ever imagine.

"Today I saw Dad cry for the first time.

"And that was because of what you did to yourself.

"So, as you can see- you'd be a great and terrible loss.

"If you were gonna die, that is.

"'_Maybe it's not such a terrible thing- I don't know where you stand on that.'_

"Well, hello_, _of _course _it's a terrible thing.

"'_Part of me wants you to love me enough to miss me- but the other part doesn't because that would mean you grieving over me. I don't want that, I'm not worth it. I never was.'_

"Matt, if you died, I'd not only miss you, I'd throw myself after you and bring you back. And, and you're worth so much more than you think."

TK paused for a moment, pressing his fingers tighter into Matt's palm. When his brother woke- as he hoped and prayed that he would- he wanted to be there for him, showing him the support that was so obviously needed.

"'_Every day I look at you and wonder why I got the hard side of the womb. Every day I wonder how come perfection came after me. They say good things come to those who wait, and you were it. I'm not angry. I'm not mad about it. It just _is_. I wasn't made to be perfect- you were.'_

"'_I must have been made to get the dregs out before you came.'_

"Oh, Matt… What do you want me to tell you? Or, what do you want me to tell you _first_? You're a beautiful, wonderful person who would do anything for anybody. I don't know a single person who doesn't look up to you- I know that Davis does, for all his disrespect sometimes. I do. I _definitely_ do. Sure, maybe little brothers are _supposed_ to do that- but there can't be many big brothers who have so much for a little brother to look up _to. _

"When I was really small, you were _always _perfect. You were exactly what I wanted to become, everything I wanted to _be_. Now… well, now I know better than to think anybody's perfect."

"'_I'm not explaining myself very well, am I? _

"'_I can't. I'm just pointless. I don't deserve to live. I don't have anything to offer the world. I can't heal, I can't help anybody, I don't have any skills apart from how to alienate everybody and that's not something you want to teach.'_

"Okay, you were definitely sick when you wrote this. Um…you have _every_ right to live- you have just as much right as anybody else. You have so many skills- you teach friendship and love and support everywhere you go. Doesn't that tell you something? Doesn't that tell you what we'd be missing if you went away…?

"'_I always envied the way you made friends. You'd just go up to people and introduce yourself, and everybody always loved you. I'd always stand in a corner and watch, afraid to hand myself over in the way you always have.'_

"But that's changed now, onii-chan. You were only ever so cool because you were frightened. Now you're not so frightened.

"Now…now it's me that's frightened. Right now. I've never _been _so frightened, so upset. I…I couldn't help you…I was too afraid. I let you down. I'm sorry."

Tears rolled down TK's face, but he swiftly wiped them away- convinced that they had no place in his world of hope.

"'_I sound so bitter, so jealous. I'm not bitter and jealous of you, but more the people around you. I don't know why, but I am. _

"'_How, why should I be jealous of people when they're just your friends and I'm your brother?_

"'_Because you choose your friends- you don't choose your family._

"' _If I wasn't your brother, you'd never have chosen me._

"' _I've given you no reason to look up to me. _

"'_I've certainly given you no reason to love me._

"'_I'm just worthless.'_

"Matt… I love you. Sure, I wasn't given a choice in who I had as a big brother- but nobody could have done it better.

"There was a time when…I thought you'd left me, and I wanted Tai to be my big brother instead. But he's… He's Kari's big brother. He knows how to react around Kari- not me. It's like… you know how to react around me, but not Kari. There's nobody else who knows when I'm down like you do, or knows what to do about it. There's still times, believe it or not, when only your big brother can help. There's no-one else who can look at me and know exactly what I'm feeling when I need to be read like a book. There's no-one else who sets my stomach on fire with wasabi and mystery meat!"

TK giggled involuntarily at the memory. His voice became serious again.

"There's no-one else I'd _want _more, onii-chan."

"'_And now I've decided that the world would be much better off without me here to screw it up._

"'_I'm such a failure- I have no idea why I'm here or why I keep trying. I can't keep up this whole thing, TK. I can't, Ototo. _

"Then…then why didn't you come and tell me before? I could have talked to you, made you see through this…curtain you've sewn around yourself, I… Maybe I could have helped. Maybe I could have stopped this…

"Maybe I could have loved you enough to do whatever needed to be done…

"You're not a failure. I love you."

"'_So at this point, I take my leave of the whole thing. It's time to let the precious things bleed away, so that they are nothing and they mean nothing. One person's precious things are dirt to another person.'_

TK smiled, a little pained.

"So… Does that mean I'm one of the precious things that has become nothing?"

"'_I haven't explained myself properly, but the more I ramble, the more I find I can't._

"' _So, I love you little brother, and I'm sorry I did this._

"'_I just can't see another way._

"'_Your once-brother, _

"'_Matt.'"_

"Not 'once-brother'. 'Always-brother'. Nothing you do can change that. Nothing you can do would make me want to. Not even this…"

TK screwed up the letter in his hand again and rested his head on his brother's stomach.

"I wish you'd wake up…" he whispered, tears rolling down his nose onto the bedcovers.

_Oh, TK…_

_Everybody… Everybody always thought that _I _was the stronger brother…_

But I'm not…

_It's you, it was _always_ you…_

_Be strong for me now…_

_If I wake up, you've got to promise me you'll be strong for me now… _

_I'll call my soul back, but you have to be there for me…_

_Please, be there for me…_

_You didn't let me down before, you just… You reacted the way anybody would…_

I'm_ the one who should be sorry…_

_I'm sorry, baby brother…_

_I'm sorry…_

_I'm-_

"Ngghhhs…"

TK looked up immediately.

"Matt…? Matt!" TK cried, leaping to his feet. Matt's eyes rolled open and he blinked.

"You're awake…" TK said, his voice disappearing into his relief.

* * *

_Sorry about the abrupt ending :( Suffice to say, Matt survived. I don't recall if this was the actual ending or not, but hopefully it hasn't affected your enjoyment of the fic :)_


End file.
